The Karlyn Percil you see today is not the same girl who grew up in a tiny village in St Lucia. A young Karlyn would forge ahead, seeing a more ideal future that would allow her the luxuries of running water, electricity, and not having to trek an hour long to get to the spot where the bus would pick her up and transport her to school because “we lived so far up in the bush”. Make no mistake, even though those days are long gone, the values and lessons taught by her mother and grandmother during her childhood remain with her today.
Those lessons were invaluable in allowing her to be grounded as a woman who appreciates her Afro-Caribbean roots. She often reminisces on the long walk, no longer a means to get to school, but a significant symbol today of her journey as a Caribbean woman to where she is today. She lavishes on the fact that she is still here and gets to continue the long purpose walk and evolve in her story. She shares with us that the more she remembers who she is, the more profound her vision becomes, taking on a larger-than-life quality causing her to hold tightly to her values, dreams, and her impact on the world.
Karlyn worked at a bank in St Lucia and then relocated to Toronto, Canada at 25 years of age. The foundation of her work was in Finance, specifically Operations. After a successful 20-year career working on Bay Street in Toronto with one of the top 5 banks, she decided to throw in the proverbial work towel, dreaming bigger into her purpose by betting 100% on Karlyn.
She started the KDPM Consulting Group, which houses different brands including a program that trains C-Suite executives around psychological and cultural safety. This program focuses on structural barriers to workplace inclusion, increasing conscious competency around anti-racism and anti-blackness, making structural whiteness visible; the program also highlights the impact of structural whiteness and internalized racism and colonized thinking on black people’s level of self-determination showing up fully as themselves. Through SisterTalk, she focuses on curated workshops and learning experiences for women with a special focus on Afro-Caribbean women.
A fan and researcher of African Technology Tools, Systems Thinking, and Emotional Intelligence, Karlyn also developed The Success System. A self-directed personal system that helps us change our mindset about what we have control of. She notes that as Black people, we have all been exposed to racial and other trauma at some level while growing up. She shares: “we all enter this world complete, but because this world is not set up for us, and we have all experienced trauma, we sometimes carry with us narratives and experiences that hold us back from our true potential. I believe we all have the power to change our minds and thoughts. We have the power to choose our emotions. One of the greatest ways to express our power is to remember that while we may not be able to control the experiences we go through, we get to create our own narratives, our own stories, and how we respond to them. Many of us get tired of the story we tell ourselves about why we are stuck or why we are still where we are,” and this thought process helped birth her Success System.
“Understanding how the mind works, the power of our thoughts, and how emotions are made, plus learning from thought leaders like Bell Hooks, Audre Lorde, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robins, James Clear, Heidi Halverson, Brené Brown, and others, and I was learning from all these incredible people, but I was not applying what I learned to my life. And so, my story, outlook, and outcome never changed because as the quote says, “taking in all those self-help and not applying it is another form of failure”.
Karlyn got to the point where she had to take control by having the ‘talk’ with herself—that she can change her mindset and ‘emotion-set’ and develop emotional intelligence.
The Success System became the road map, the success bridge that helped her create the success steps needed to change her life.
Walking away from stability
Walking away from stability can never be easy. In describing how that step was for her, Karlyn admitted that it was scary initially because she was moving from the comfort zone to the ‘dream bigger zone’ and our brains are wired for safety, not uncertainty. She had to move however. It was time. Her decision to walk away was also fueled by being passed up for a role that she was acting and performing in with great results that contributed to the bottom line of the company she was with. In the end, they imported someone to fill the role and she was told: “you are doing a great job but just wait your turn, it’s coming”.
She decided not to wait her turn but instead to create her turn and make it a reality. She bet 100% on Karlyn. Unnerving as it was, she placed faith in herself, her skills, her track record, and the networks she had formed while working and through the various community roles she held within her community while working. That gave her the confidence to know she would succeed. She did not leave immediately but moved to a contractual position as a consultant, and even though that was scary with her skills and track record intact, she still doubted herself, questioning whether she could thrive in another environment. Despite the questions, she did. Although she was afraid, she still had the obvious questions and doubts surfacing ever so often with some days being good, while others not so good. She pressed on, fully committed with great expectations and the opportunities came. It has been 6 years and she is still learning that growth comes in different ways and waves. It is a journey, and each growth phase we go through will require a deeper, braver part of ourselves; but the good news is that, as we go on, we get to meet a braver part of ourselves, and she believes that is the most powerful gift a woman can give herself.
‘When we women (re) discover our bravest self, nothing and no one can stop us. This belief and self-determination unleashes our inner warrior – our superpower” says Karlyn.
Karlyn reflects that everybody’s journey will be different as we move into our growth phase and that our brains are wired for comfort and predictability. In light of this observation, she encourages any woman who may be faced with a similar situation but paralyzed by the fear of the unknown to start where you are. While she worked at the bank she hosted “Lunch & Grow” sessions. She always had her ideas of how to teach women how to increase their emotional intelligence, and her aim was to share this knowledge and get women to understand how their brains work and the science behind emotions so that “we can stop being afraid of being afraid, lean into the intelligence of our emotions and instead learn to navigate our lives better”. Karlyn encouragingly states that whatever idea you may have or even an underutilized skill set that others can benefit from, repackage it and put it to use and begin there, build your confidence muscle by taking action and by starting where you are.
We have been conditioned as women to have all the answers. Women don’t apply for positions until they have 120% of the requirements, and even when we have all the requirements, we still talk ourselves out of applying. Research shows that it is the extreme opposite with men who barely have 50% and, they go for it. So, women need to start thinking about how overqualified they may be for the role they are in, identify that skill, start with that one step, bet on themselves, and let that one thing be their guide. You don’t need to see all the steps. As Martin Luther King Jnr said in that famous quote, “Faith is Taking the First Step Even When You Don’t See the Whole Staircase.”
HEALING OURSELVES
My journey is guided by ancestral wisdom. I keep the words of Ancestor Malidoma Patrice Somé close on my journey–One can say, ‘Teach me what you know,’ but the better request is, ‘Teach me about what teaches you.’
Healing is not a linear journey, and it takes a community for us to heal. It is a journey that, as you go through and you learn more about what teaches you in life, through the (un) learning and (re) learning journey – your capacity to practice self-love from a village perspective provides greater capacity for you to consistently meet yourself where you are with grace and kindness. Faced with misogynoir in our culture by both people who look like you and those who don’t, you learn to prioritize and practice this sentiment “Self-love is a lifetime journey” Karlyn shares that she had to understand who she was, the impact of racial trauma on her personality, and how this influenced how she showed up in her communication and relationship skills. A great lesson Karlyn learned on her journey to healing is that we either become what life throws at us, or we use what life throws at us—the experiences we go through – to become who we would like to be. She says she did not choose any of the negative experiences she went through, but she had to realise it was her reality. She spent a good 30 years blaming herself while asking why society or her family hadn’t protected her. The answer is, unfortunately, not only do we live, but we also function in a society where shame is at the core of all we do says Karlyn. Family shame prevents people from speaking up about family members we need to hold accountable for doing wrong. We allow shame and the fear of speaking up to become the narrative versus protecting an innocent child or woman. As women, we must take our power back and give back to society its shame. Karlyn declares that she had to do that for herself, for her inner child, and for her nieces, nephews, and all the little girls who will be walking a similar path.
Society needs to address the toxic masculinity that enables men to act without repercussions, and we must also address the women who protect them. We must place responsibility on the people and systems causing the harm and not those who are experiencing psychological violence–further being victimized by the system and society. A common vision rooted in our full dignity and respect needs to be developed where all women come together and demand more for themselves and their children. We must hold each other and society accountable, and that includes men as well. Disrupting the status quo and naming the violent systems and the visible and invisible “cultural norms” society tends to hide behind is the Elephant in the Room we must address.
We have made progress, but an urgency must be added to the progress. Men are hurting from this toxic masculinity as well. A man who inflicts pain on another individual cannot love themselves. There are also socioeconomic situations and other layers that contribute to the bigger picture that we see today, but until we get to the root, speak from that level, and stop protecting people, will we begin to make serious progress. Karlyn hopes that as women, we rise together to a bigger vision for ourselves and our children, and with that vision, we demand more from ourselves. When we do that, the required urgency will come and cause a shift in our culture.
BREAKING FREE
As Karlyn mentioned before, healing cannot be done in isolation. Her group SisterTalk Circle was formed to facilitate a community of women coming together to share stories, tools, and community with the end result of not only healing themselves but also providing a cheering squad for our dreams and goals. SisterTalk Circle started when Karlyn realised she was ’emotionally constipated’, as she puts it, and needed the courage and confidence to speak about her childhood traumas and demons – the ones getting in the way of her dreams and desires.
SisterTalk Circle gave her the medium to share her Elephant Story (shame-based narrative/story we carry about how unworthy we are or feel) the science behind emotions and how our brain works. She recalls the emotional roller coaster she would often go through where one day she was confident and felt as though the world was her oyster and the next, she was faced with feelings of self-doubt, riddled with feelings and moments of imposter syndrome phenomenon, asking the question—‘ am I good enough?’. This is where she learned about the brain’s negativity bias, the concept that seeks to explain why negative events or feelings typically have a more significant impact on our psychological state than positive events or feelings, even when they are of equal proportion. (https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/negativity-bias)
“The regular thoughts surrounding our fears are human nature. So, whenever I teach women about emotional intelligence and move them towards a growth mindset, I remind them that if they have a negative thought, it means they have a healthy working brain”.
Karlyn’s journey allowed her to understand that vulnerability causes us to feel naked and as though all our flaws are on display, we then want to retreat, or get small and disappear, once again because our brain is running towards safety. Brené Brown’s research and books about understanding shame and vulnerability shifted her perspective and mindset. Through this book she learned, that shame cannot survive without empathy and being seen. Our judgment and silence keep shame alive, which is something we are good at. We keep our stories quiet and blame ourselves for what happened in those stories, and because society is rooted in shame, we also stay quiet to avoid its judgement, a natural human response. Ironically, as humans, we are wired to be seen and heard and have a sense of belonging and that we matter. In light of this, Karlyn realised she did not need to kill shame but embrace that it is natural for her to feel shame.
Our shame can dissipate by showing empathy, being seen, and being a loving container. This discovery was revolutionary, and so she invited other women who wanted to practice this simple yet profound belief that “Vulnerability is strength” with her in her SisterTalk Circle. Sharing these powerful and vulnerable moments with other women allows us to see that we are not alone; which is another narrative that needs to be highlighted for women to feel safe, loved, and healed. We are not alone. That is freedom! Through this process, Karlyn and the Founding Members of SisterTalk Group have also created the SisterTalk Mentorship Guide – a three-volume e-book with advice, tips, and encouraging words from women like her on their journey of dreaming bigger.
KARLYN’S STYLE
Karlyn remembers that her mother was an excellent seamstress with impeccable style and that her father was the connoisseur of impeccable grooming. The pride they took in putting their best forward with meager means continues to impact her style. As children, Karlyn and her siblings always had to take care of themselves as her parents worked the farm and the land she grew up on. She reminisced that even if it was one pair of shoes that went from black to grey, they had to look their best. Their school uniforms had to be pristine; pleats sharp like a razor, socks up to her knees, ribbon ironed with perfect knots—these were things her parents instilled in her and her siblings., As she got older and developed her own style, these remained with her.
Curiosity in style and fashion takes precedence over money as an indicator of how stylish Karlyn got. She often shares that she wore designer clothing from when she was a child. Her mother was her designer. Though her mother might not have been well known, she cut and sewed their dresses, and the dresses were different from what you would normally see. Another influence on her style choice has been not having the urge to spend 5000 dollars on designer purses, scarves, etc. She has a business to run, so her fashion sense had to be cognizant of this and develop and stand on its own.
Malcolm X once said the black woman is the most disrespected. As a black woman living in a world that constantly devalues who we are her fashion allows her to be political because the Black body is political. Karlyn will wear a Black and or Indigenous designer because she knows how hard it took for her to birth the dream, and she wants to see the money going back into the Black community. She wants to create and deepen her impact based on the Ancestral Leadership Principle (ALP) of the Ujamaa Principle which speaks to practicing Cooperative Economics. This Ancestral Leadership Principle refers to the uplifting of the community economically and culturally by uplifting and supporting the innovative and creative expression of the culture of community and groups, as seen through our workplace roles, assignments, stores, shops, businesses, and other intrapreneurial ways to keep the profitable growth from them together. This is how I/we can collectively uplift our community. By herself, it may not be significant, but she is willing to try. She uses every opportunity to share or shout out a black indigenous designer’s earring or dress, business, and creative expression of self, and she encourages others to do the same. Fashion allows us to show up for each other by shining the spotlight on each other and amplifying each other.
THE IMPORTANCE OF INTENTIONALITY AND BEING IMPACTFUL.
Karlyn believes that a mindset that demands us to ask ourselves if our actions are driven by the need for external validation through likes and followers is imperative. She ponders whether we will look back and see a continued expression of our culture and our ancestral values. Because she wants to see this continuity, Karlyn is compelled to share her knowledge with the hope that someone else will take the baton and keep this teaching alive in our culture. She is compelled to teach about emotional inheritance, the African medicine wheel, and how we decolonize our practices and thought patterns.
Karlyn asserts that we are still a part of this world and as we cannot move away from capitalism and leave parts of ourselves, we must ask ourselves, “what do I have power over?” Karlyn decided to support her black indigenous people over white brands. She decides what she wears, how she walks, and how she expresses her vision and creativity. We all play a part in shaping the minds of the children who will be responsible for carrying the now through to the future.
