written by Curline Adassa: Host of Calabash Conversations (Podcast)
“ I only say YES when it’s a Holy Hell YES!”
I read the above phrase by a feminist theologian and I felt it deep within my bones.
The thoughts came flooding in followed by the inevitable internal conversation.
Questions surfaced:
- What does this really mean?
- Is this implying that my ‘yes‘ could sometimes be no?
Matthew 5:37 answered quite clearly in the affirmative; here it says, “…let your yes mean yes, and your no, no…”
This implies (to me) that one could at times say yes and it isn’t really a yes (otherwise why would this caution be necessary?).
My yes is holy only when it is the truth!
My yes, and therefore your yes, (since we are not separate) is sacred and invaluable.
In what ways are we being too liberal with our Yes?
In what ways are we being too liberal with our Yes?
How much is my ‘Yes’ costing me?
Do you at times find yourself agreeing to something or someone or agreeing to do something when your entire being is crying out for rest or solitude? Are we saying yes when it is not in our best interest or because we are afraid of offending the other? Is our Yes adding value when it is only said because we fear judgement and would rather wear the mask of sameness?
I would love to know the same thing Oriah Mountain Dreamer does, which is this:
“I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.”
Discernment is required for us to know how and when to say yes.
The Greek word diakrisis refers to a spiritual power that allows one to distinguish between the spirits that will cause harm and the spirits that will assist you. Let’s replace spirits with people and allow that to guide our response to requests.
Are the ones we say yes to actually worthy of it?
Do we have folks in our lives ready and willing to laugh and cry with us (should that be needed) or simply hold space for us as we do?
“I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.” – Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Does the above sound like people you know? Then quite likely, these are the ones who deserve our sacred Yes! This does not mean however that this will always be the case.
Allow me to borrow from the play Hamlet: “To thine own self be true and thou canst be false to any man.”
The truth is that our health and wellness are directly affected by the quality of our Yes.
My challenge and invitation is this: say yes, only when it is a Holy Hell YES!
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