And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant6 of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.
The Gospel according to Luke 1:38
As I began to write this article, sitting in the lobby of a prominent hotel surrounded by top-level executives, A- class business leaders, and overpriced coffee, a past student of the school I once worked for as a Dean of Discipline came by to greet me. Yes, in my previous life, I was a rule-enforcing, “parent-conference having” ‘bad guy’. I knew it and I accepted it.
So, when this young lady came up to me, greeting me with a smile to tell me how much I impacted her life I was overwhelmed. Partly because it was good to hear but partly because I was sitting here writing an article about purpose and how envious I was of other people’s success. Yes, right before she arrived I was going to start this article by divulging that I experienced both joy and then sudden dread when my friend told me she was starting a business. Why? I felt like I was in a rut.
Like many people, I had fallen into the trap of measuring my life by the amount of success I had and I was presently fighting discontent with where I was. I found myself busy with many things, but when I looked around, I felt like my efforts were all in the same small pond. Every time someone else did better I was acutely aware of how unhappy I was with where I was and how afraid I was that I would never get better.
Why do we want to be extraordinary?
According to research, our drives are defined by the need for uniqueness.[i] Individuals observe one another, noting similarities, making comparisons, and endeavor to differentiate themselves from the rest. For women, this drive has manifested itself in a shift in women’s attitudes toward success as an evaluation of how much they matter. While women have traditionally placed a strong emphasis on relationships and personal fulfillment, there is evidence to suggest that they are increasingly recognizing the importance of career success and financial independence in achieving a sense of worth and fulfillment.
Since the early 1900s, female entrepreneurs have become some of the most prominent business owners. Women have steadily increased in the workforce, leading banks, impactful corporations, and countries. We are doing great things.
Yet over and over again we fall into the pattern of evaluating ourselves against the KPI’s of how accomplished we feel, how accomplished others are, and who has affirmed us. This is an innate frame of mind according to author of the book “The Psychology of Mattering” by Professor Dr. Flett. It is called mattering, and he explains it as “a core, universal human need,” and a necessary component for well-being. Furthermore, when it comes to self-esteem, you can like yourself and feel capable, Dr. Flett said, but “you still won’t be a happy person if no one notices you when you enter a room.”
We all want to feel and be extraordinary, matter to others, and make an impact on the world. This is not necessarily a bad concept. But this need combined with the ubiquitous amount of information about how much you may or may not matter (followers and views) our focus can be shifted from who says we matter and who defines mattering.
In her book Puposefooled, author Kelly Needham talks about this internal war around usefulness. She described her challenge with seeing her husband filling stadiums and being lauded for his impact on people’s lives. When she compared this with her lot she seemed to have fallen short. Her list of activities included stacking inventory, cleaning baby bums and driving her kids to school. These mundane tasks in her estimation mattered to no one, therefore she wasn’t extraordinary, let alone mattered.
But Jesus shows us in His talk in the synagogue after feeding the five thousand. For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. John 6:38
Jesus says these famous lines at a time when people are coming to Him for all they have seen Him do. They want more of His signs, more of His miracles. This was what they evaluated as extraordinary and why Jesus mattered. But Jesus, during the demands for more of what He could do, drew their attention to the one who defined His purpose and the reason He was alive – the Father’s will. That was what made His life here on earth matter.
That’s where we need to be. We were made to make much of God. This is the purpose for which we were created. Everything else is secondary.[ii] When mattering to the world shifts from this, then the grind defines us because what we focus on will define us. When the grind defines us we turn God into the purpose bank and become overly consumed with Him telling us our purpose when it is clearly defined in loving Him and loving others. God only becomes as useful as He is to make us successful and matter to others. It is even more dangerous in the Christian community because our “purposes” can look good and right without being holy.
Maybe that’s why God doesn’t allow certain doors to open up because He wants to ensure that we don’t lose ourselves and the source of our stability and security. Charles Spurgeon once said, “[you] will never get glory in God till first of all God has killed your glorying in yourself.” (source/reference info needed)
Kelly Needham affirms this when she says that it was her misguided pursuit of purpose that not only robbed her but led to disappointments and a sense of failure. “I was so busy trying to find my purpose that I missed the purpose of the mundane moments. I missed the purpose of simply being with God, enjoying Him, and glorifying Him in the ordinary moments of life.” (Source/reference info needed)
Our ultimate purpose is to glorify God. We must shift our focus from self-centered pursuits to God-centered living, finding true fulfillment in Him rather than in the pursuit of personal dreams.
As we embrace this approach, we surrender our strategies to Him, finding contentment in closed doors and rejoicing in the success of others. Let us lead, advance, and shine, all while remembering the ultimate Source of our blessings and the Orchestrator of our paths.
[i] Schumpe B. M., Erb H. P. (2015). Humans and uniqueness. Sci. Prog. 98, 1–11. doi: 10.3184/003685015X14205597448201 [
